That's when you crack a 10am beer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
