farters have to be the big spoon...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
