just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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