If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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