I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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