party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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