girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
