it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
