Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
