sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
