There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
