my vag is so smooth its legendary
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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