There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
