I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I want is dick and wine.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
