next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
