when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
