If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
