puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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