hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
