you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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