I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
