he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
