I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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