I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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