Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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