I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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