Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
