Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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