I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
