4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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