I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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