Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
