After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I CAN MOONWALK!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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