i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize