I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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