He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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