After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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