new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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