I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
