dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
