I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
