Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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