At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
