Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
