i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
