Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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