Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
