pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i already hear my dad disowning me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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