fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You may now shotgun with the bride
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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