Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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