I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize