you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
