I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
please come you make the beer taste better
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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