dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
