The maid of honor just puked.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
