Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
