I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
