Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
