god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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