Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
