Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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