Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
