i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
