She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
