We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize