Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
