If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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